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How Not To Match.com

<rant on> (That’s code for “the following is more rant than post”, thankyouverymuch. That’s also a disclaimer. I just need to get this out so I can move on with the dating. If you’re new here, I Joined Match.com. I blame the cold medicine is the first in this series, and continues with Adventures in Online Dating, then Match.com The Odds Are Good That the Goods Are Odd, and Time To Light A Match.com. We are now at post number five, a rant. The others are better.

You are under no obligation to read further, but your assistance with the question at the end is greatly appreciated.)

This is terrible.

Just terrible.

I’m becoming jaded. Jaded by the lack-luster, creepy, freaky, sex-starved oddballs who contact me on Match. Very few bother to read my profile. Very. few.

Where people look for a mate.

Where people look. (Totally borrowed from a site that also borrowed it. Unfortunately, I don't know the origin.)

How Not To Match.com

First off, just don’t join. When I started this it was to honestly find someone to date, and with whom to hopefully form a nice, long-term relationship. Now I’m fighting becoming jaded. And I’m not sure I’m succeeding.

While it takes a LOT of weeding through garbage to find the nice guys in the mix, it seems hardly worth it when you have to contend with the buggy, glitchy software, and the crappy Match.com interface.

  • It automatically sends “winks” as if they’re from me! To people at whom I would not choose to wink.
  • Match selects a “Daily 5″ and also emails another set of so-called matches, supposedly based on your preferences. Not. The only thing these “matches” have in common with my preferences was the fact they were male. Many are not even in my desired area.
  • And then there’s all the email you get from people across the country or spammers without real profiles. No way to block that out. You can “filter” it, but it just goes to a separate inbox.
  • Oh, and go ahead and just TRY to cancel your subscription. I dare you. It took me FIVE attempts to cancel it. I only “think” it’s canceled now, but I can’t really be sure until I see my credit card statement. They asked me to complete and exit survey – and I did – complete with a scathing review of the glitches, and BS “matches”.

Once you get past all that, here’s what you’ll find in your inbox. These are actual emails I’ve received – each line IS the ENTIRE email.

nice 69 gto judge

nice pic

Hi :-) How is everything? – Leon (When did this become a Chat Forum??)

hey there… how are you? reed (this was from a 55 year old, looking for 18-45 year olds). How am I? Not interested in pedophiles, that’s how I am.

I like your pics.

WOW!  Your beautiful.

Your very pretty. Want to chat? (They typo is not mine, for once. He sent THREE almost identical versions of this email. Three. In a row.)

Have they no game? Or shame??

Complimenting a woman’s looks is nice. The first time or two. After that it just seems shallow when it’s the only attribute ever mentioned. How about funny, fun, nice, likable, smart, smartass, or sex-starved oddball?? Ok, I may not be many of those, but I only want to date someone who can see more than blond hair and a few curves.

I’ve already had to block half a dozen freaks. Mostly for not taking “not interested” for an answer. One was just convinced The Universe wanted us to meet.

Everyone wanted to know about the GTO. I even put a caption under the photo saying: “Sorry, the gal does not come with this car”. But, nooo, they all wanted to know about the car. I cropped the picture so the car is now unrecognizable. This has also cut down on emails.

Many emails are obviously copied a pasted. In one such email, the guy wrote to me, but forgot to change the previous gal’s name as it started out “Hi Melanie”. Kinda makes me wonder if he’d shout out the wrong name during sex.

There are some emails from sweet, young 30-somethings far outside of my already wide dating range. Sweet, but we have nothing in common. They still want babies, and to go to bars. You just can’t do BOTH.

</rant off> Thanks, I needed to get that out. I already feel better.

Where people found their mate. I should start drinking again.

Where people found their mate. I should start drinking again. Or working.

I’ve been researching where people met their significant other. I polled my friends on Facebook. The small majority said ‘the bar’, but many were just random places: a blind date, a friend of the ex, the gym, work. But the best has to be a couple who met 13 years ago as patients at a sober living home. They’ve lived together since day one. That seems like cheating. Way to make it easy, people.

The first chart, Where People Look For A Mate, says ‘friends-of-friends’ is number one, and ‘the bars’ is number two.

The second chart, Where People Find A Mate, says ‘place of work’ was number one, and the bar’ was number two.

This sucks. I gave up drinking 10 years ago, and I gave up working over three months ago. I hope that last one is rectified soon or I’ll have to change my profile headline to read something like “Homeless Chick Looking for Sugar Daddy”.

Where did you meet your significant other?? Here’s where I can use your help. Even though it’s number three (on this list – it’s number nine of ten on others) the online thing isn’t going so well, so I’m thinking I need to find a better place. Tell me how/where you met your mate.

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47 comments to How Not To Match.com

  • I am glad I am not doing online dating. Or hell any form of dating. I liked the chart of where you can meet people. The top 3 for me are all full of douche bag women. Oh well I say remain single for life.
    Justin’s last post ..Ladies- Show Us Your Boobs!!!

    • I think I’m going to stay single, too. *sigh* After a recent dating disaster, a friend joked about getting castrated. He said he had a friend who had been and he was much happier ever since. I think I’d still miss sex, but someone pointed out being in a relationship isn’t a guarantee you’ll get laid. Oh, well then what the heck am I doing this for??

  • Met my hubby in a bar on karaoke night. The karaoke DJ had a pretty popular following so the nights he had a show, the place was always packed with 20 and 30 somethings. Now this was 10 years ago, not sure how typical that would be now…or safe for that matter but it worked for me :)

    Karen

    • Welcome to my spot on the web! You’re another who is now making me rethink hanging out in bars. My aunt does the karaoke thing all the time, but she’s not had much luck. I can’t carry a note in a basket, though. I’d probably scare off any potential suitors.

  • Unfortunately I’m no help. I met my husband in college but we actually got to know each other when we discovered we worked at the same place (and not a popular place to work-the toll road).

    I should mention I was dating someone else at the time we started courting. Oops!

    • Welcome Darlin! Damn, I knew I should have paid more attention in college. I tend to work at smaller companies and I’ve usually had a strict “no dating” policy. Maybe that’s not the best.

    • (PS.. the link above to your blog lovemlovemfood.blogspot.com doesn’t work. Leave me the URL and I’ll fix it for you, and visit. :)

  • Don

    What significant other, pray tell?

  • I met my gf at a club. She hit on me, I was not looking for anyone just having a good time with my friends. She managed to be quite charming though so I gave her a chance and we have been dating over a year now. :)

    I think the best ways to find a person to connect with are through friends and meeting people through hobbies and regular activities.

    I love your rant. I used to spend my time reading craigs lists ads and plenty of fish profiles to pick out who has game or not. It is the best when a profile just tells you how all their friends really think they are funny and successful instead of just showing its true by being funny!

    I wish you the best of luck in your search.
    Adam Clarke’s last post ..How to Flirt With a Girl

    • Thanks for the good wishes and for stopping by! :)

      Again with the clubs. I’m doing this wrong. What I notice is some folks think my very positive profile sounds negative. That tells me a lot about them. Why they would write to me feeling that way is another “tell”. Creepy.

  • I met my ex-husband (we were together 20 years, so definitely significant)in grad school, which is also where I met my other serious boyfriend before him. But now? I just don’t have a way to meet people other than on-line. And I’ve gone out with some interesting ones, including one I’ve been involved with off and on for three years.
    secret agent woman’s last post ..Sunday Night Party

    • Maybe I should go back to school. If nothing else, I could learn something. Although, I think I’d be a bit older than even the grad students.

      I attend a few group activities, but the groups are small and sometimes we don’t get to interact. My sister met her husband rock climbing. I’m just not that sporty.

  • Around the time I met my wife I started saying yes to everything, which included parties I didn’t want to go to and lots of other crap. Fortunately I said yes to an alumnae function, and that led to a party, and that led to meeting my wife. I guess this is not helpful except that saying yes to things is better than saying no. Except when it comes to creepy dudes on match dot com. Good luck!

    • LOL Yeah, I just don’t think it would be good to say “yes” to some of these guys – they’d run with it! Thanks for the good wishes!

  • Ruth Plathe

    I tried the online dating thing, then ended up with someone I knew. I also found online dating a thoroughly demoralising experience.
    I met my husband originally by kicking his friends arse playing pool in a pub – having fun talking smack, that kind of thing. You don’t have to be a full-blown drinker to go to the pub.

    • Yes, online dating is starting to depress me. Ok, now playing pool at a local pub sounds like fun. I haven’t doen that in years. I used to be pretty good. Heck, I think I had my own cue. Hmmm, maybe I should get a little group together to go play pool and meet some nice men. It’s really hard to meet them at meditation since we’re all sitting quietly with out eyes shut.

  • Lisa

    Don’t lose heart. Match.com and other websites, I experienced everything you state here. I paid $39.00 for a month on Match and canceled after two weeks. The anonymity of the Internet, it can bring every undesirable to you. Seeing your photo before, you should have guys all over you out in public, the graphs you show stating meeting in “public spaces” is where I find the most interest. Save your money and spend it sitting in a Starbuck’s you will find more quality there than online.

    • Thank you for the pep talk and for visiting my humble spot on the web! :)

      Unfortunately, I paid $60 for three months – thinking one wasn’t going to be enough. Yup, it’s no different from when you tried it… I wanted to cancel the first week and did by week two.

      There are some great looking guys at the Starbucks around here. Good idea, I should do that and ask if I can share their outlet. hehehee That sounds kinda dirty.

  • Last time I was single, I spent most of my free time with a married couple my age. We had all gone to the same college, so we had lots in common. Anyway, they found a girl for me (Tessa). She was the husband’s co-worker. It was almost an arranged type thing, but they knew she was perfect for me. It worked. I guess it worked because they loved both of us. Been together ten years.
    Fred Miller’s last post ..Your Wife Will Obey

    • My married friends always seem to do things with other couples, or me and the gal will hang out. So Tessa was a blind date? A good friend of mine married her blind date. I haven’t had a blind date in years and let’s just say I’ll never let some friends set me up again. Ever.

  • Mike

    Well im sort of disapointed as well. They ran out of matches for me this week too. Some nonsense about being too picky with my wants. And yes the damn hurdles to cancel are almost criminal. But you need to stop looking at the charts and figures. All of those numbers mean nothing really. It only takes 1. Of thi girls so far i see some really nasty posessiveness from a couple, and I broke off. Sweetie decided to go back to her ex after the move so I have all my loose ends cleared up. Its really sad for me but life is unpredictable at best. Anyone that is certain they have it nailed down is just setting themselves up for a surprise. But yes, the truth is it only takes one. Just make sure its the right one.

    • Sorry things didn’t work out with you and Sweetie. I’ve started initiating contact with the matches. So far, it’s producing a higher quality of potential mate. Things are looking up again.

  • Every time my husband starts to annoy me I think about joining Match.com just to spite him and prove how many men would love me if he doesn’t. Thanks for discouraging this (obviously stupid) idea.
    And I agree with Fred- friends of friends is the key
    Annie’s last post ..Taxicab Confessions

    • I’ve got a new group of international friends. I’m hoping they find me a nice guy with an accent. I love accents.

      Well, you can still “look” on Match for free, but it’s not worth joining – even if you ever do become single.

  • I met the Big Tuna on a blind date, in a bar, as a friend of a friend. Did I hit all the hot spots. I think we went on our 3rd date to watch a friend’s sister at a strip club. Too much information?

    Just so you know, we’ve been married almost 29 years.
    Mrs. Tuna’s last post ..Keg stands and Mammograms

    • Another successful blind date story! And in a bar, through friends. You hit the trifecta, Girlfriend!

      Um, no, not TMI – In fact I want details about the date at the strip club!! Is there a post about that??

  • I’m sorry to see you give up. Match isn’t perfect, but I know using it got me out of the house once in a while, and into contact with women that were at least looking for a relationship. I was meeting exactly no one while going about my daily business. Even working in a building that houses over 800 employees, the number of them that were not married or otherwise hooked up, was miniscule.

    If you are ever to try an online service like this again, I’d recommend being the seeker rather than waiting to see who contacts you.

    When you’re the one making the contact, you’re the one making the selections based on your own criteria. You read the ads, find the guys that are close by and have written a relevant, literate ad, and send the appropriate message.

    The only downside is that when someone as smokin’ hot as you sends a Match message, I know my immediate thought was “It must be spam.”

    • In the last week the Match prospects have suddenly improved. Mind you, the creeps are still there, but there are better prospects materializing. I’ve got three dates planned (all first dates). I did start contacting guys first after I polled you all and you guys said it was ok. So far, it’s been alright – the creep factor is lower.

  • Holy crap am I relieved to not be out in THAT mess. I met mine through a friend. I’m one of those 13.6% apparently. That seems really low to me though. Just like my standards. :)
    Elly Lou’s last post ..I Propose a New Verb

    • Another for the friend of friends category. My standards are getting lower. And living alone with my cat/s for the rest of my life is looking better and better.

  • Dating in general sucks. I fall into a couple of colors in your pie chart. I met my wife at the bar I was at with my childhood friend whom my wife once worked with and later we chatted on facebook…the rest is history, lol.

    • Ok, you’re just like Mrs. Tuna. She met her husband at a bar, through friends. Her’s was a blind date.

      Ah, Facebook! The new dating site. I’m adding more people!

  • That email is also a prescreening device for them. If a female responds the guy knows she’s got the D’s he’s looking for:
    -desperate
    -dumb
    -disposable

    • It seems like a rather desperate attempt to meet someone. They invest no time reading a person’s profile and just start casting as wide a net as possible. Ick.

  • Oh that is hideous! I’m especially not ok with sites that make it near impossible to cancel membership. Maybe write them an e-mail also addressed to your credit card company as proof they’ve been notified, and then tell your credit card company not to authorize any payments to them.
    tattytiara’s last post ..Why does this title have drool on it- Max

  • Mrs B was introduced to me by a girl I knew that she worked with….We lived opposite sides of London and so would never have met otherwise. That was over 25 years ago and we have never looked back.

    The dating sites sound like Estate Agents, whatever criteria you give them they send over the same old dross….
    BlackLOG’s last post ..7 sections including a nose picking Nazi miracle advertising war

    • You met through a friend, too? Gees, my readers either met their S/O through friends or in a bar. I must take my friends to bars.

      The “matches” the system sends me are comical! Hours away from my area, no pictures, nothing in common. It’s a joke.

  • I met mine on a surprise blind date, arranged by friends. I started dating someone else the NEXT night. He pursued me non-stop through the entire relationship with my last ever boyfriend. He finally wore me down and I dumped the Last Ever Boyfriend when I realized I was totally in love with Him. It’s been ‘bliss’ ever since.

    I’m pretty sure 13.6% of us can’t be wrong. ;-)
    Wicked Shawn’s last post ..If I Said I Want Your Body Now…

    • Well, I’m going to start hanging out in bars with friends and I’ll have them set me up on blind dates. It seems to be the way most of my readers met.

  • You mention looking for a “nice guy”. Back when I was dating, I tried several online dating sites including Match. I was and always have been a nice guy, and therein was the problem. The women wanted bad boys or rich men. There was very little interest in a nice guy like me. As my wife now says, back in her younger days, if she had a choice between a nice guy who was going to take her out for ice cream and treat her like a lady, and a bad boy who was going to take her out for a beer and get laid that night, it was a no brainer. The way I saw it, women “say” they want a nice guy, but when it came to me expressing an interest in those same women, the reply was always the same…..no thanks.

    • And you’re cute, too ;) Where do you live, Darlin’? Oh of course, you’re married. *sigh*

      I’m older and long past the “looking for a bad boys younger 20- to 30-something days” you mentioned. Although, just because someone is nice doesn’t mean they’re an automatic match. A few of the guys I’ve met are great guys, but we are at different points in our life. Just last night I was telling a girlfriend I thought one of the sweetest guys would be a good match for her. They both like to drink (and I don’t).

  • Dating in the modern age is something else isn’t it?
    The Hook’s last post ..Friday Flashbacks- Terrible Comics!

  • I thought my husband was gay… so I had no qualms flirting with him at the grad school dorm. (does that make sense? I didn’t want to seem like I was coming on too strong? So I shun straight good-looking men like the plague…) Turned out he wasn’t (as verified by a gay friend who volunteered to use his gay-dar on my now husband…) I’m pretty sure if I didn’t meet someone when I was still in school, I’d have been still single since… well see above…
    subWOW’s last post ..Sucker Punched

    • LOL Does he know you thought he was gay? That’s pretty funny! Yes, I like to flirt with the “safe” ones, too. There’s that lovely unspoken rule that “it’s not going to go anywhere”. Heaven forbid I say “boo” to the wrong single guy – he’ll automatically assume I want to get horizontal with him.