Zombies, RV Life, and Random Craziness
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By Kernut, on September 20th, 2010%
The cop goes to uncuff him, but he can’t find his handcuff key. It’s gone. Totally lost. He asks if I have mine. Nope. Didn’t expect to be doing the handcuffing on this one. Plus my key was taken away from me. But that’s another story. So the cop leaves me alone in the apartment with the handcuffed BIG dude. Who could head-butt me to death with one blow. Who is innocent of skipping bail. But not cop-killing. . . . → Read More: Cuff Em Danno
By Kernut, on July 26th, 2010%
Looking for a new pair of shoes? Got a shoe or foot fetish? Got an animal foot fetish? Are you a Dom who needs a gift for your slave?
Let me help you out…
 Chair Shoes? Foot Chair? Do your feet get tired of walking in heels? Here’s the solution!
. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Got Kinky Shoe Fetish?
By Kernut, on July 22nd, 2010%
 This is me. What, you thought I was human? When I’m not here, you probably think I’m out having an awesome social life, on a date, or having sex.
Sadly, no. It’s been about a year since I had a boyfriend – and he was really lousy in bed. Come to think of it, so was the one before him.
But I have been discovered – by spammers.
When I’m not here blogging (and deleting spam), I’m over here writing about Social Media (and deleting spam), or here writing about sexy stuff.
That is, when I’m not at my new job!
Yes, it’s true folks – I am no longer a government-subsidized cube dweller. I have escaped the padded cell, a.k.a. the cubicle from hell.
(Believe it or not, I didn’t get fired for asking Guy Kawasaki if he had a single brother for me. Truth be told, by then I had already given notice so there would have been no point in firing me in my last week. Heh heh.) Don’t stop now! Continue reading Social Media, Jobs, Spam, Sex and Dating – Maybe not in that order
By Kernut, on July 6th, 2010%
It’s true my dear Kernutties – I Went To Jail 4th of July Weekend.
The pokey, the joint, the big house, the slammer.
The Greybar Hotel.
The Rock (no, not the hot one named Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson).
I was a guest of the state.
Alas, this time I did not commit any crimes (none they know about, anyway).
Fortunately for me (and you) I was allowed to leave. Albeit, after a short tour.
I went on a tour of Alcatraz State Prison for the 4th of July.
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Alcatraz Cruises
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Coit Tower and Cable Car. A beautiful day in San Francisco.
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Alcatraz State Prison
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Guard tower.
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Guard cage. The guards! were locked in for eight hours.
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Al Capone’s cell – number 181.
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In jail
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A beautiful view of San Francisco.
You know how I want my blog to be educational for y’all? Well, in the likely unlikely event you find yourself incarcerated, I wanted to share a little prison slang with you… Don’t stop now! Continue reading On The 4th of July I Went To Jail, The Pokey, The Slammer
By Kernut, on June 12th, 2010%
 This should totally be mine. The Earl of Socks, and other relatives
Rumor has it my family is related to a bunch few famous people. Most of whom you’ve probably never heard of.
Ted McGinley, the cute actor. One of his more well-known roles was as Jefferson Darcy on ‘Married with Children’. Yes, that guy! He really does look like the male members of my father’s side of the family. My aunt knows the details, but we’re distant cousins or something… which is too bad because otherwise he just might have made my last list.
On my mother’s side, we’re related to Bertrand Russell, 3rd Earl Russell, a philosopher, mathematician, humanitarian, and Nobel Prize winner. (Apparently, the “smarts” aren’t necessarily hereditary, otherwise I’d be famous rather than infamous.) We’re related through the Duke of Bedford. By all accounts a nice guy, but it seems Bertrand’s life was a bit of an emotional roller coaster at times. Here’s a quote from his biography: Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Earl of Argyll Socks, and Other Relatives
By Kernut, on May 27th, 2010%
Questions and Answers. The answers may or may not be accurate.
I apologize for not responding sooner, but Formspring, the maker of the comment box on the right, didn’t notify me I had emails! *sigh* Apparently, this has been going on for a while with other members, too, and there is no plan to fix the issue. ???
Disclaimer: I make no promises about the accuracy of the following answers. Do not try this at home. Check with your physician before proceeding. Enter at your own risk. You must be 18 and this tall to ride this ride.
Questions I received…
Q 1. How tall are you?
A. Moooooog35 is that you? I’m about 5’5″.
Q 2. Hmm i wrote in this box, but don’t know where any reply might show, facebook?
A. They don’t actually show up anywhere. I will repost the questions and answer them here.
Those are all the questions I got. Don’t you all want some more snarky dating advice? Well, I hope so because I’m working on the next round of tips. Feel free to send me questions.
If you’re not worried about anonymity, you can email me questions at swtrpnzl (at) aim (dot) com. I’ll keep your contact info private – only you and I will know
By Kernut, on May 1st, 2010%
Me, to the bartender, “I’d like a carafe of Margaritas, salt the rim of the carafe, and stick a straw in it.” . . . → Read More: 18 With A Fake ID
By Kernut, on April 25th, 2010%
 This one speaks for itself. My Blog is a Guilty Pleasure
Pepperidge Farm Doesn’t Understand Me
UPS Hires Basketball Players
My Gift: Some Assembly, and Transportation, Required
Google Searches Confuse Me, and Others
(Really, I’ve got nothing. And sometimes Google has nothing, too.)
A friend emailed me the other day to tell he how much he enjoys my blog.
 I start getting all warm and fuzzy. No, really, I’m actually not being sarcastic this time. I love hearing how much you guys enjoy my blog. I get a little excited every time someone leaves a comment. Just a little. Like I do about chocolate. Every. day.
Don’t stop now! Continue reading Random Things I Found Funny This Week
By Kernut, on March 22nd, 2010%
 Malibu Colony #63 from the deck... this was my favorite spot to sit, and where I was when Rob Reiner tried to talk to me. I'm so lame. Sorry Rob. Love your movies! Several years ago I transferred to Malibu to work as Marc Andreessen’s Estate Manager, overseeing care of the property in the Malibu Colony and managing the staff. It was a great job, for the most part.
Malibu was pretty, and pretty boring for a single gal. Not much to do so I stirred up some trouble. (You can read a bit about Malibu and one of my more interesting exploits here.) I’ll write about some of the crazier stuff later, like when my parents get tired of reading their kid’s new blog (or just give up on my ever achieving greatness, or providing grandchildren. Ya, like a starving dog with a fat bone…).
So instead, I’m going to gossip about celebrities I saw when I was lived in ‘Bu (“Bu” as the locals call it – ’cause they’re special). It’s a random list of my encounters so don’t get too excited. (The stuff I could sell to tabloids for cubic dollars I’m saving for later.)
Breakfast with Spielberg. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Life In Malibu – Celebrity Encounters
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“Like” me on Facebook. It will keep the zombies away. Maybe.
Adult Toys – December Sale, $5 to $10 off!! See GDIM sex blog for details. Graphic Details Adult Toy Store
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Zombie Apocalypse, Military, and Obamanation T-shirts, Mugs, and More!
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Don’t Follow Me, I’m Lost.