Kernut the Blond » TMI

I met a naked man in Quartzsite, Arizona.

Kernut — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:09:44 +0000

Everyone told me “There’s a naked man in Quartzsite, Arizona. You’ve got to go there.”

Well, duh! Of course I do.

My friends, and folks I meet on my travels, give me some of the best tips. I love you people!

They were right, as usual; he was naked except for a hat, a necklace, and a small crocheted “sock” over his privates. (‘small’ is not a comment on the size of anything other than the sock)

I think there is a little satin bow on it, but I couldn’t look that closely without being accused of staring.

No, NO. On the sock.

Sheesh, I really have conditioned you all to go to the dark side first, haven’t I?

You’re welcome.

He shaves.

No, not his beard. (TMI? Sorry.)

The “sock” was held up by fishing line.

Nothing covered his back side. He runs a great bookstore on the highway. Apparently, his nakedness is not against the law in Arizona. Rumor has is he also walks back and forth across the London Bridge in Lake Havasu during the summer.

You think I would make up a naked man running a bookstore in broad daylight? For years? Wearing nothing more than a hat and a privates-covering sock?

Not a chance, people. Not. A. Chance.

Here’s the sign you see before you go in…

He's very approachable. See? I believe this is also some of his cartoon work. He's really quite good.

And here’s the proof that he really is naked…

Do you like . . . → Read More: I met a naked man in Quartzsite, Arizona.

UPDATED: 8 Weirdest Places In America – Cheezy Americana

Kernut — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:54:56 +0000

Cadillac Graveyard. Yup. Ass-end up. In the dirt.

Today, for your traveling pleasure I present you all with The 8 Weirdest Places In America that I plan to visit.

There’s 9 if you count this blog. Bonus for you!

As you know, I like touring brothels. I love seeing the weirdest of the weird, the strangest of the strange. No really, I’m freaky like that.

Particularly fond of these American Absurdities, I affectionately call this collection of bizarre sights and wacky places I’d like to visit ‘Cheezy Americana’. Vegas is a city based on Cheezy Americana. I love it in all it’s glittery and wacky tackiness.

Since you seem like my cheezy blog, I thought you all might like other things “Cheezy Americana”.

I made a list for you. You’re welcome.

Not having actually been to any of these places yet (consider this a partial bucket list), I can only tell you what you’ll see when you go. In no particular order:

1. Wrap me up in The Largest Ball of Twine. Just like it sounds folks: A big ass ball of twine. Ok, so I did warn you I was a bit freaky. Believe it or not, there are two! One in Kansas and one in Iowa.

2. The Largest Frying Pan. I’m suddenly hungry. Do you think they can make a big pan cookie in it? Mmmm, now I want cookies. Thanks Largest Frying Pan.

3. Continuing the theme of large and weird household items: The Largest . . . → Read More: UPDATED: 8 Weirdest Places In America – Cheezy Americana

Sexual Confidence: Can You Handle It?

Kernut — Thu, 20 May 2010 18:52:19 +0000

Mirroring: one of the methods practiced in Tantra.

Do sexually confident women scare men or is this an attractive quality?

Really, I want to know. My sexual confidence and security has intimidated more than a few boyfriends. It’s a running theme. And, sadly, the older and more confident I get, the more I seem to intimidate them. So it’s not like it’s going away and I have no intention of squashing it.

But I’m about ready to give up all efforts at finding a match.

Before you let your kinky imaginations run wild… I don’t even get a chance to bring out the whips and chains before they get scared (read: ‘sudden loss of interest below the waist’).

I’m kidding about the whips and chains. Kind of.

Seriously, I’m not even a screamer, much. I just enjoy sex and am not shy about it, or talking about it.

Is that intimidating to men?

Recently I told a good friend I want to try tantric sex. Tantric sex is the art of making love in a somewhat spiritual way, really taking your time with your partner, touching the whole body (the skin is your largest organ – not that other one, boys ) , utilizing all the senses, and prolonging and then enjoying the most intense orgasm. This journey produces chemicals in the brain in a way similar to the way BDSM does – when done right. When produced in the right order, this chemical cocktail is what makes good sex fantastic . . . → Read More: Sexual Confidence: Can You Handle It?

Who Bought Your Sex Toys?

Kernut — Sat, 08 May 2010 02:49:53 +0000
My friend: “Who do you think buys more sex toys, men or women?” . . . → Read More: Who Bought Your Sex Toys?

Drinking and Smoking: My Childhood Memories

Kernut — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 16:08:39 +0000
I learned to mix drinks, quite well actually, and we all had a grand time drinking up the liquor cabinet after school. When the booze would run low, Dad would just replace it. Awesome. *hiccup* . . . → Read More: Drinking and Smoking: My Childhood Memories

Embarrassing Moments in Underwear – I’ll show you mine…

Kernut — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 05:09:57 +0000

...

In honor of Wicked Girls Think It’s “NPD” on Saturday, April 24th this post is about underwear. (If you don’t know what ‘NPD’ is yet, check out Wicked Shawn’s post Wicked Wednesday Q&A from 4/14. Scroll to Question #1, by yours truly. Note that the date IS Saturday, April 24th, not the 23rd as in my comment.)

I’ll wait, but come back after you’ve read about NPD. (I’d say what it is here, but you know, my parents still read my blog. Although, they’ll probably stop after reading this post.)

As I was saying, in honor of NPD, I’ve decided to share a few embarrassing underwear moments, not all of them mine. Heh heh.

I’ll show you mine, you can show me yours later. In the comments, or by email: swtrpnzl (at) aim (dot) com. Pictures are accepted.

I reserve the right to repost your pictures and blog about them. So if you send ‘em, you’d better be proud of ‘em.

For your pleasure, three embarrassing underwear moments…

It was SO like this. But I wasn't a famous tennis player. And no one had a camera.

I was about 8 years old. We didn’t have much money back then (unlike now. um wait, no, just like now) so our clothing was not ever… new. We got hand-me-downs from our cousin, or clothes made by our grandmother (a great seamstress). When we got underwear it was new from the store (Thank God for small favors!), but it was rare to . . . → Read More: Embarrassing Moments in Underwear – I’ll show you mine…

Cat-ass-trophe

Kernut — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 18:12:22 +0000

Checkers, The Kibble Wrangler

I am owned by a cat. Those of you who know me well know Checkers, The Kibble Wrangler, is my world.
MY. WORLD.

Yes, I am a crazy cat lady.

Love me, love the cat. It’s a package deal.

Now that we’ve established that, realize that she can do little wrong. This will become evident as this story progresses.

My sister, Chickenbone, used to always ask, “How can you have a cat? There’s that whole stinky litter box that needs to be scooped all the time, there’s the barfing on the carpet. All that’s just gross.” (I retorted with some quip about children and diapers. I do not have kids. She now has a cat/litter box and a kid/diapers. I win.)

Yes, kitty poop is gross, as is the occasional cling-on (poo stuck to butt fur), but it’s so inconsequential when compared to the unconditional love she gives.

MY. WORLD., People.

This post is in honor of her approaching 16th birthday. Happy Birthday Checkers, from the interwebs! (Yup, she gets gifts and special treats on her birthday just like I do. Mine is coming before hers. Feel free to send gifts to both of us. My email address in on my About page. She wants a big cat tree. I want a tropical vacation.) On with the cat-ass-trophe…

It was a little before Christmas and I was making yarn cat toys for her, and all of the other cats that own various members of my family. Checkers, . . . → Read More: Cat-ass-trophe

Sex in Carson City: My Trip to The Brothels – UPDATE

Kernut — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 08:20:16 +0000
Have you ever been to a brothel? Of course you have! Well I have, too. Three, actually. All on the same day. I'm a studdette like that. . . . → Read More: Sex in Carson City: My Trip to The Brothels – UPDATE

My First Brush With The Law

Kernut — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 17:42:57 +0000
It was a match made in heaven: Three gals, three guys, a wee party, and an illegal bonfire. . . . → Read More: My First Brush With The Law