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By Kernut, on July 22nd, 2010%
 This is me. What, you thought I was human? When I’m not here, you probably think I’m out having an awesome social life, on a date, or having sex.
Sadly, no. It’s been about a year since I had a boyfriend – and he was really lousy in bed. Come to think of it, so was the one before him.
But I have been discovered – by spammers.
When I’m not here blogging (and deleting spam), I’m over here writing about Social Media (and deleting spam), or here writing about sexy stuff.
That is, when I’m not at my new job!
Yes, it’s true folks – I am no longer a government-subsidized cube dweller. I have escaped the padded cell, a.k.a. the cubicle from hell.
(Believe it or not, I didn’t get fired for asking Guy Kawasaki if he had a single brother for me. Truth be told, by then I had already given notice so there would have been no point in firing me in my last week. Heh heh.) Continue reading Social Media, Jobs, Spam, Sex and Dating – Maybe not in that order
By Kernut, on June 15th, 2010%
 Shhh. Be very, very quiet. Some things just aren’t right in the world. A bit like this blog. These things have somehow managed to make it through a worm-hole from an alternate universe. A universe where things are backwards – and ‘backwards’ is acceptable.
But not here on Earth.
Much like BP Exec Tony Hayward ‘wanting his life back’, these things belong on the Planet of This Is Just So Wrong…
First up, I don’t know what the atmosphere is like in the office men’s bathroom, but in the office ladies bathroom it’s. very. quiet. With the rare (rude?) exception, we don’t chat to each other while in different bathroom stalls. We make only the briefest of small talk at the sink. I know you men are all saying “Whaa??, but why then do you gals travel in pairs to the toilet?’. Well gentlemen, the office restroom atmosphere is different than that of the bar or restaurant restroom.
Now that you’re all caught up, on with the thing that is just wrong…
There’s this one gal at my office who feels the need to GRUNT while she’s taking care of bathroom business. You’re not supposed to hear grunting in the ladies room. Ever. This is just an unspoken rule. My mother didn’t tell me this. Yours probably didn’t, either. We just all KNOW girls don’t grunt. She makes no effort to hide it, either. The grunting is very obvious – and quite disconcerting, if you ask me. Fercryingouloud – I have to wonder is she giving birth? Continue reading Some Things Are Just SO WRONG
By Kernut, on May 30th, 2010%
 View from Santa Barbara Castillo (Castle) in Alicante This is part 2 of my trip to Spain. (Part 1 in the series is here: The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly…)
Advance apologies for the length and rantiness of this post. I promise the next will just be about my adventures and impressions of Spain.
When we left off…
Panic has now set in. (Please note the sub-title of this blog: I’m FINE: Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. The Adventures, Travels and Tribulations of a Bonkers Blogging Blond. ‘Bonkers’ may be an understatement. Pretty sure it is, but my alter-ego thought ‘bonkers’ rhymed better with ‘blogging’ and ‘blond’.)
Iberia Airlines, with their teams of luggage and policy-making asshats, had conspired to leave me stranded: I’m stuck in a foreign country, alone, speaking only enough espanol to order beer and tacos. As much as I needed one at that moment, I don’t drink beer. Anymore. That leaves me with just tacos. Continue reading The Plane to Spain, part 2
By Kernut, on May 26th, 2010%
It’s like trying to reason with a lizard… that’s the part of the brain that’s active in times like these. Just try to tell a lizard what to do. Let me know how that goes. . . . → Read More: Panic Much? FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run
By Kernut, on May 20th, 2010%
 Mirroring: one of the methods practiced in Tantra. Do sexually confident women scare men or is this an attractive quality?
Really, I want to know. My sexual confidence and security has intimidated more than a few boyfriends. It’s a running theme. And, sadly, the older and more confident I get, the more I seem to intimidate them. So it’s not like it’s going away and I have no intention of squashing it.
But I’m about ready to give up all efforts at finding a match.
Before you let your kinky imaginations run wild… I don’t even get a chance to bring out the whips and chains before they get scared (read: ‘sudden loss of interest below the waist’).
I’m kidding about the whips and chains. Kind of.
Seriously, I’m not even a screamer, much. I just enjoy sex and am not shy about it, or talking about it.
Is that intimidating to men? Continue reading Sexual Confidence: Can You Handle It?
By Kernut, on May 11th, 2010%
 There's a magazine about this? I’m fascinated by linguistics, especially the colloquialisms specific to a certain region. We all have them, and those little words can give an indication of where you grew up, or lived for many years.
Also when you grew up.
A friend is visiting from Minnesota. He’s never been to California so I’m showing him the sights. The other day I used the word ‘dude’ when relaying some meaningless important story to him.
Yes, maybe I’m a hopelessly outdated Californian, but that’s not the point.
He’s been here three weeks and I’m the first person who’s said ‘dude’ to him. WTF? Continue reading We Say ‘Dude’ In These Here Parts
By Kernut, on April 25th, 2010%
 This one speaks for itself. My Blog is a Guilty Pleasure
Pepperidge Farm Doesn’t Understand Me
UPS Hires Basketball Players
My Gift: Some Assembly, and Transportation, Required
Google Searches Confuse Me, and Others
(Really, I’ve got nothing. And sometimes Google has nothing, too.)
A friend emailed me the other day to tell he how much he enjoys my blog.
 I start getting all warm and fuzzy. No, really, I’m actually not being sarcastic this time. I love hearing how much you guys enjoy my blog. I get a little excited every time someone leaves a comment. Just a little. Like I do about chocolate. Every. day.
Continue reading Random Things I Found Funny This Week
By Kernut, on March 21st, 2010%
FINALLY, after a few rounds of “What’s your favorite fruit loop flavor?” eHarmony reveals the pictures to me. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, Part 2
By Kernut, on March 19th, 2010%
To help brighten up the sterilized sea of cubicles where I work, each holiday we decorate a pass-through/hallway. It helps give the place a little color, and is a good excuse not to be at our desks for 15 minutes. We also include a plate of cookies or bowl of candy related to the holiday.
For St. Patty’s we did the usual: green clovers, pictures of green beer and leprechauns. My cube mate (the quiet male) cut up shapes of Lucky Charms cereal out of colored paper: pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, blue diamonds, and purple horse shoes. Very creative.
I thought we needed a real box of Lucky Charms cereal to complete the decorations. Mind you, it had been years since I last saw the contents of Lucky Charms.
Besides oddly-shaped (not as described above) “marshmallows”, here’s what was in the box: Continue reading We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Post To Bring You: Lucky WTF? Charms
By Kernut, on March 13th, 2010%
So, what does any self-respecting procrastinator do at a time like this? Find great shit to read on the internet. Lucky for you, I’ve decided to share my findings. These had me laughing so hard they brought tears to my eyes… . . . → Read More: Funny Shit Someone Else Wrote…
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