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By Kernut, on April 29th, 2011%
I’ve been trying to come up with something to write, but all I’ve got is a list of random stuff that makes for better titles than posts. I couldn’t even come up with ten of them for a Ten Things Tuesday post.
Huh. My life is in the shitter.
My mother just told me my great grandparents were invited to the Royal Wedding of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip.
Wow!
They didn’t go.
WTHuh??!
What did I learn from this? You dis the Royal family once, and your future generations will never ever be invited again.
I’m considering giving up dating, for good. The men I’m meeting have no follow-through. They act totally interested, but then seem to get cold feet. After attempting to schedule a second date, they fall off the face of the earth if I can’t meet the ONE time they suggested. It doesn’t matter if I’ve met them online, or through friends (the preferred way).
Case in point: Don’t stop now! Continue reading My Royal Wedding Invitation, Three Generations Too Early
By Kernut, on November 13th, 2010%
The oddness that was my week:
First up…
I work in a large office building with the standard Men’s and Women’s community bathrooms on each floor.
Men’s, and Women’s. Two bathrooms. One for each sex.
The other morning I grabbed the key and crossed the hallway to the Women’s room. Just as I got there a man (I think he was Mennonite), held the door for me as he exited.
Me: ???
He said, ‘It’s ok, my wife is just doing her hair.’
With trepidation and a nervous smile, I enter to find two Mennonite women in the restroom: his wife fixing her hair, and her attendant.
And no more men, thank goodness.
When I posted this on FB, most of my friends commented how they wanted an attendant. Umm sure, I want one, too. But can we not have men in the Women’s bathroom?
Second…
I’ve wanted a Droid phone for a while, and Friday I finally got one! Yippee!! I activated it, added two apps, and then tried to back up my numbers.
The screen DIED.
Not the battery (still had 80% power) – the SCREEN. I’d had it for ONE HOUR.
Ok, obviously I got a lemon, time to go trade it in for a good one. My Friday night: I drive down to the Verizon store, and (another) hour and a half later walked out with a second brand new Droid X. (BTW – these were not refurbished “pre-owned” phones.)
IT CAME WITH A VIRUS INSTALLED.
Oh, that’s NOT the worst… Don’t stop now! Continue reading Witness Protection Program Inductee
By Kernut, on September 10th, 2010%
 My sister, Chickenbone, once told me ‘Don’t bring sand to the beach.’ Me: ??? Chickenbone: If you’re single, don’t bring a date to a party. Me: (still) ??? Chickebone: …where there are single men. Me (a minute later): Ohhhh. (the light bulb isn’t always super bright, folks) . . . → Read More: I Brought Sand To The Beach
By Kernut, on July 22nd, 2010%
 This is me. What, you thought I was human? When I’m not here, you probably think I’m out having an awesome social life, on a date, or having sex.
Sadly, no. It’s been about a year since I had a boyfriend – and he was really lousy in bed. Come to think of it, so was the one before him.
But I have been discovered – by spammers.
When I’m not here blogging (and deleting spam), I’m over here writing about Social Media (and deleting spam), or here writing about sexy stuff.
That is, when I’m not at my new job!
Yes, it’s true folks – I am no longer a government-subsidized cube dweller. I have escaped the padded cell, a.k.a. the cubicle from hell.
(Believe it or not, I didn’t get fired for asking Guy Kawasaki if he had a single brother for me. Truth be told, by then I had already given notice so there would have been no point in firing me in my last week. Heh heh.) Don’t stop now! Continue reading Social Media, Jobs, Spam, Sex and Dating – Maybe not in that order
By Kernut, on May 30th, 2010%
 View from Santa Barbara Castillo (Castle) in Alicante This is part 2 of my trip to Spain. (Part 1 in the series is here: The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly…)
Advance apologies for the length and rantiness of this post. I promise the next will just be about my adventures and impressions of Spain.
When we left off…
Panic has now set in. (Please note the sub-title of this blog: I’m FINE: Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. The Adventures, Travels and Tribulations of a Bonkers Blogging Blond. ‘Bonkers’ may be an understatement. Pretty sure it is, but my alter-ego thought ‘bonkers’ rhymed better with ‘blogging’ and ‘blond’.)
Iberia Airlines, with their teams of luggage and policy-making asshats, had conspired to leave me stranded: I’m stuck in a foreign country, alone, speaking only enough espanol to order beer and tacos. As much as I needed one at that moment, I don’t drink beer. Anymore. That leaves me with just tacos. Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Plane to Spain, part 2
By Kernut, on May 26th, 2010%
 It’s like trying to reason with a lizard… that’s the part of the brain that’s active in times like these. Just try to tell a lizard what to do. Let me know how that goes. . . . → Read More: Panic Much? FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run
By Kernut, on May 20th, 2010%
 Mirroring: one of the methods practiced in Tantra. Do sexually confident women scare men or is this an attractive quality?
Really, I want to know. My sexual confidence and security has intimidated more than a few boyfriends. It’s a running theme. And, sadly, the older and more confident I get, the more I seem to intimidate them. So it’s not like it’s going away and I have no intention of squashing it.
But I’m about ready to give up all efforts at finding a match.
Before you let your kinky imaginations run wild… I don’t even get a chance to bring out the whips and chains before they get scared (read: ‘sudden loss of interest below the waist’).
I’m kidding about the whips and chains. Kind of.
Seriously, I’m not even a screamer, much. I just enjoy sex and am not shy about it, or talking about it.
Is that intimidating to men? Don’t stop now! Continue reading Sexual Confidence: Can You Handle It?
By Kernut, on May 11th, 2010%
 There's a magazine about this? I’m fascinated by linguistics, especially the colloquialisms specific to a certain region. We all have them, and those little words can give an indication of where you grew up, or lived for many years.
Also when you grew up.
A friend is visiting from Minnesota. He’s never been to California so I’m showing him the sights. The other day I used the word ‘dude’ when relaying some meaningless important story to him.
Yes, maybe I’m a hopelessly outdated Californian, but that’s not the point.
He’s been here three weeks and I’m the first person who’s said ‘dude’ to him. WTF? Don’t stop now! Continue reading We Say ‘Dude’ In These Here Parts
By Kernut, on April 25th, 2010%
 This one speaks for itself. My Blog is a Guilty Pleasure
Pepperidge Farm Doesn’t Understand Me
UPS Hires Basketball Players
My Gift: Some Assembly, and Transportation, Required
Google Searches Confuse Me, and Others
(Really, I’ve got nothing. And sometimes Google has nothing, too.)
A friend emailed me the other day to tell he how much he enjoys my blog.
 I start getting all warm and fuzzy. No, really, I’m actually not being sarcastic this time. I love hearing how much you guys enjoy my blog. I get a little excited every time someone leaves a comment. Just a little. Like I do about chocolate. Every. day.
Don’t stop now! Continue reading Random Things I Found Funny This Week
By Kernut, on March 21st, 2010%
FINALLY, after a few rounds of “What’s your favorite fruit loop flavor?” eHarmony reveals the pictures to me. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, Part 2
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