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By Kernut, on August 4th, 2010%
 A Boiling Water Reactor schematic. This one is SOOO much cooler than the black and white schematics we fixed. Ours were just Xerox copies.
General Electric builds boiling water reactors (BWR), a type of nuclear power plant. I drew fixed the seriously degraded schematics that trained the new power plant employees.
No, I’m not a nuclear scientist. I’m not an electrician. I had skills as a pen and ink artist. That’s it.
Yes, that should scare you.
No, I was not an exception. None of us working there had any experience in nuclear power or electrical backgrounds.
My step-mother wrote the technical documents that went with the schematics. She didn’t have any experience in nuclear power or electronics either.
Oh, I almost forgot – I was a teenager.
AND they gave me a fairly high security clearance.
HA! So much for thorough background checks.
On the news this morning they mentioned there’s a computer worm out that is specifically designed to attack nuclear power plants and utilities. Stuxnet is the name of the malicious software. (Industrial Virus Revives Power Grid Hacking Fears.)
Really Hackers/Terrorists? That’s totally lame to have wasted all that time developing some software – one that has been detected, mind you. All you had to do was send some kid down there to apply for a job. Any job.
I was a teenager with no real skills. This was my first real job that wasn’t babysitter or Radio Shack clerk. (Supposedly, drinking doesn’t count as a skill. Whatever.) I . . . → Read More: I Had Da Powers – Nuclear, That Is
By Kernut, on August 1st, 2010%
 There's a spy among us.
I spied. A lot. I waited outside houses, often for hours at a time, waiting for him to leave. I followed him work, to his girlfriend’s house, to the dentist, to the grocery store, you name it.
Like a shadow, I followed him everywhere.
I was a Private Investigator.
You thought I meant FBI or CIA? Nope. Too crazy. (Me, not the government. Never the government.)
What? Oohhh, you thought I was a stalker?! No, not that either.
When you get paid to do it, it’s not called stalking.
Someone once described private investigation as 94% boredom and 6% pure adrenalin. They’re absolutely right. It’s the 6% adrenalin that makes up for standing in line all day at some courthouse waiting to pull court documents on the subject, then only to read how he got busted for being a loser (hitting his girlfriend, stealing, etc). Or for waiting for hours watching someone’s house and they never leave.
All day long. Not once do they go out. zzzzzzzz
But the 6% pure adrenalin makes up for all that. Like when you get the dirt on your subject: you get the photos of the suspected activity, you get the information the client was hoping wasn’t really there, you get to follow them somewhere. Anywhere, really. That’s fun.
About 60% of the cases were what we called “domestics”: a husband or wife wanting to know what the spouse was up to. I’m often asked the gender ratio of clients: Almost . . . → Read More: I Spied
By Kernut, on July 13th, 2010%
 Do you think he means a 'blow job' at the salon for that hair?? I said job I had, not gave. sheesh No, not had as in got, either. Remember, I’m a woman – I give them I don’t …oh, never mind.
Where was I? Oh, yeah.. jobs.
The kind you get paid for.
Oh ferfuckssake.
I was fairly young at the time I went to work for this insurance company. My boss was named Fred Krueger. I could not making this up if I tried, people. To separate himself from Freddy Krueger The Slasher, he insisted we called him Fred. Just Fred Krueger.
Yeah, that worked well. Calling him Fred totally made me forget his name WAS IDENTICAL TO THE INFAMOUS SLASHER FLICK DUDE. Continue reading The Time I Worked For Fred Krueger and Donna Mills
By Kernut, on July 6th, 2010%
It’s true my dear Kernutties – I Went To Jail 4th of July Weekend.
The pokey, the joint, the big house, the slammer.
The Greybar Hotel.
The Rock (no, not the hot one named Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson).
I was a guest of the state.
Alas, this time I did not commit any crimes (none they know about, anyway).
Fortunately for me (and you) I was allowed to leave. Albeit, after a short tour.
I went on a tour of Alcatraz State Prison for the 4th of July.
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Alcatraz Cruises
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Coit Tower and Cable Car. A beautiful day in San Francisco.
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Alcatraz State Prison
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Guard tower.
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Guard cage. The guards! were locked in for eight hours.
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Al Capone’s cell – number 181.
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In jail
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A beautiful view of San Francisco.
You know how I want my blog to be educational for y’all? Well, in the likely unlikely event you find yourself incarcerated, I wanted to share a little prison slang with you… Continue reading On The 4th of July I Went To Jail, The Pokey, The Slammer
By Kernut, on April 11th, 2010%
In The 4-Hour Workweek Tim Ferriss gives a specific internet business model ANYONE CAN IMPLEMENT. He explains each step in very simple terms, and includes contact information for his preferred vendors and services. . . . → Read More: 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss
By Kernut, on April 3rd, 2010%
Workforced.com – This Office Doesn’t Work
People, I’ve found a fellow cube-dweller and sufferer of my cube-shaped bit of hell. My heart it full.
While stalking perusing one of my favorite blogs, Midget Man of Steel’s Mental Poo, I read his interview with Don Joe from Workforced.com. Comic GENIUS – both of them. Certifiable yes, but genius.
I trotted on over to Workforce.com, an office comedy blog, and immediately realized I had found a comrade: A fellow sufferer of the padded, square-shaped hell. We are not alone.
What he wrote about one of his colleagues bringing around their newborn brought tears of laughter to my eyes – Where The Son Doesn’t Shine.
The man is now on my Blogroll: Funnier Bloggers.
By Kernut, on March 22nd, 2010%
 Malibu Colony #63 from the deck... this was my favorite spot to sit, and where I was when Rob Reiner tried to talk to me. I'm so lame. Sorry Rob. Love your movies! Several years ago I transferred to Malibu to work as Marc Andreessen’s Estate Manager, overseeing care of the property in the Malibu Colony and managing the staff. It was a great job, for the most part.
Malibu was pretty, and pretty boring for a single gal. Not much to do so I stirred up some trouble. (You can read a bit about Malibu and one of my more interesting exploits here.) I’ll write about some of the crazier stuff later, like when my parents get tired of reading their kid’s new blog (or just give up on my ever achieving greatness, or providing grandchildren. Ya, like a starving dog with a fat bone…).
So instead, I’m going to gossip about celebrities I saw when I was lived in ‘Bu (“Bu” as the locals call it – ’cause they’re special). It’s a random list of my encounters so don’t get too excited. (The stuff I could sell to tabloids for cubic dollars I’m saving for later.)
Breakfast with Spielberg. Continue reading Life In Malibu – Celebrity Encounters
By Kernut, on March 11th, 2010%
The 6’ tall gray cubicle walls are lightly padded for my protection, not unlike the padded cells of a funny-farm. I suspect they are grooming me for transfer to the psych ward. . . . → Read More: I’m a State-subsidized Cube-dweller
By Kernut, on February 17th, 2010%
This lead to my first preconceived idea: Malibu is a hotspot of celebrity activity! . . . → Read More: Once Upon a Time in Malibu
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