Zombies, RV Life, and Random Craziness
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By Kernut, on October 6th, 2011%
 Known locally as Creed's Castle, you can barely make it out on top of the plateau. Rising up out of the St. George, Utah suburbs looms a large plateau. There is nothing on top of it: no trees, no other homes. Except for the castle.
For the many years members of my family have lived here I’ve wondered about this castle sitting on top of the plateau. At night I could see the lights in the castle turret come on and I was transfixed.
The castle was calling to me.
I wanted to see inside the castle. I wanted to see their view at night. And I wanted to know who lived there.
So on this trip to Utah I invited myself over to the castle.
No lie. This Princess invited herself to the castle. This is not a castle open to the public – it’s someone’s home. Don’t stop now! Continue reading I Crashed The Castle In St George, Utah
By Kernut, on January 30th, 2011%
(Google is totally going to ding me for this title. Whatever. It’s not like they can take away anything from nothing. Also, this post is a tad racy and marginally safe for work.)
 "Where is that g-spot already? My feet are starting to go numb." Really? Intimidated? I just don’t get this.
Ok, I can see possibly being slightly embarrassed walking into an actual sex toy store, but intimidated by an online sex toy store?
You are probably wondering why I mention this. Ok, or maybe you’re not, if you’re a regular here. If you’re new, we have previously discussed men being intimidated by sexual confidence, and also who bought your sex toys.
A man I was recently dating informed me he was intimidated by my “possible” level of experience.
???
Knowing neither of us had had large numbers of partners, I asked what he meant.
He is intimated to be with me er uh physically because of my affiliation with this adult toy store.
??? (thought in my head: shit, not another intimidated male)
Seriously??
I don’t get it. How can one have anything to do with the other? It’s not like I have a massive selection of whips, chains, or other items from the store.
Really, I don’t. Well, not the whips and chains, anyway. I think.
He’s also intimidated by my desire to practice conscious love-making through Tantra. It’s not like I suggested WE needed to do this. I just expressed an interest in the practice.
Holy Dildos and Deep Breaths Batman! Don’t stop now! Continue reading Intimidated by The Adult Toy Store
By Kernut, on December 14th, 2010%
When we left off in part 2, Martin Sheen and I were parked with driver’s-side windows together, our cars blocking the small neighborhood street. Meanwhile, the stalker in the white pickup was slowly coming up behind my car, most likely realizing I’d just obtained A-list mother-fucking help.
Oh, …and we learned that I’m as bright as a cliff-jumping lemming when panicked.
As the white pickup approaches our cars, he pulls over to the side of the road as – if waiting for me to finish my conversation – so he can then continue on with terrorizing me.
Martin says to me, “Turn your car around and pull up behind me. I got through to the Sheriff’s office and they’re going to meet us at the old Malibu station.” He said ‘US’ !!!  Yay Martin!
(It’s important to note two things here: A, The police agreed to come out for Martin Sheen – not when it was just little old, not-famous me calling, but for Martin. And B, The lazy cops still only agreed to meet us so far – at a station closed years before, in an empty parking lot about 15 minutes away from where we were now.)
I do as Martin says, and the stalker also starts to maneuver his car as if readying to make a u-turn like I did.
But then Martin Sheen, A-list megastar and rescuer of blond-haired lemmings, starts yelling at the stalker!!
*swoon* (somewhere a lemming just fainted)
Martin to stalker: “Hey! What are you doing terrorizing this woman?!!” Don’t stop now! Continue reading Martin Sheen To My Rescue (conclusion)
By Kernut, on August 19th, 2010%
 Mega Yacht "A". This picture makes the 394 foot yacht look small, but if you look closely you can see a tiny, little boat in front of it. There are about 6 people in that little boat.
The BIG local news is all about this Mega Yacht, the “A”, owned by 38 year-old Russian Billionaire Andrey Melnichenko, that’s currently anchored off the coast of Sausalito (near San Francisco).
There are three pools, one with a glass bottom viewable in the dance room below, and doorknobs worth $40,000 on the ship. Entry to the master suite (all 2,500 square feet) is by finger print recognition. There is also a special “nookie” room. This is my kind of man! The mega yacht is 394 feet in length, and worth a mere $300 million, but it’s only the 12th largest in the world. It is smaller in size to Larry Ellison’s (local celebrity of Oracle fame/billions), Larry has a reputation in these parts (and also Malibu) as being somewhat of an ass.
I love the fact that Andrey has parked his mega yacht in Larry’s back yard, so to speak. Hah. Yay Andrey!
Mega Yacht Eclipse. My new home.
Eclipse, the world’s largest mega yacht an estimated at 538 feet in length, is owned by another young Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich. This beauty has two helicopter pads, you know in case you want to go to a different port than others on the yacht. Like the “A”, much of the glass is bullet proof. . . . → Read More: A Mega Yacht in Larry’s Backyard
By Kernut, on June 8th, 2010%
 The Bloggin' Love What a wonderful week full of the Blogging Love! Two great fellow bloggers have linked to my blog! *fans face*
And Her Blogging Royal Highness, The Bloggess came to my site and commented on one of my posts! *swoon* I think I just got girl wood. (If you don’t know why I’m so turned on, well, you probably don’ t have a blog. Just imagine ROYALTY coming to your doorstep and leaving a note, k?)
Three Tabby Cats In Vienna kindly added me to the Carnival of The Cats! At my begging request they linked to my post about Checkers, my hairball of love, and her umm, first experience with yarn. (Not for the faint of heart.) There’s even a lovely picture of my baby! They also spread lots of kitty love around the interwebs. Check out their site for lots of cute kitty stories.
And my dear Wicked Shawn at Wicked Girls Think It… oh how I love your sexy playfulness! She said I should visit her site, where I saw this… Don’t stop now! Continue reading Spreading The Blogging Love and Getting Horizontal
By Kernut, on May 23rd, 2010%
Here are 5 Dating Tips… 1. Coffee dates are the kiss of death. . . . → Read More: Dating Advice From The Unqualified
By Kernut, on March 5th, 2010%
I got flowers last night. A big bouquet of beautiful red roses. Ok, so they were from a complete stranger. But he’s totally hot. . . . → Read More: I Got Roses Last Night
By Kernut, on March 1st, 2010%
 Can you say "Photoshop"? They ask, ‘Why are you single??’ or ‘Why haven’t you been married??’
But when they ask, with face half turned and narrowed eye, the tone says: “Is there something wrong with you that I can’t see??” (Uh, not trying to hide it. At all. Pay attention.)
Or it sounds like “How could you even WANT to be single? Isn’t it scary?” (Nope, kinda nice actually. I don’t have to check in with anyone before I go somewhere and my scissors are always where I left them. How about you? Do you know where your scissors are?)
I am asked this all the time. All. The. F’n. Time. The frequency with which I get asked that question never ceases to amaze me. Nor does the unending curiosity. Seriously, even I’m not that interested in my own status.
Speculating what makes certain people so curious, I’ve observed the following… Don’t stop now! Continue reading ‘Why are you single?’
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