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By Kernut, on December 9th, 2011%
Continuing the theme of How to Ask a Gal Out (the “Don’ts”), I now present the “Do’s”…
He said, “I just spent the night with Kernut!”
That was the title of his post to the singles group list of 700 people!
Holy Shatner! Considering it’s been a while since anyone could claim that statement, I wasn’t sure what to think.
*blink*
His message to the list continued…
Ok, not like THAT. (Pity)
I am sitting in the airport in Albequerque, waiting to fly to South Dakota so I can “move” there. I came across the email with a blog link and have had a fabulous time reading old posts. She educated me on boondocking, took me to a brothel, gave me dating advice and explained why she is still single, although I honestly still don’t understand the last part. (By the way, I was married once. We had his and hers scissors. It helped a lot but not enough).
Anyway, if you haven’t followed her blog, you should. She is quite refreshing to read.
For the record, Kernut, even though I have used both fabulous and refreshing in this email, I swear I am not gay. I hope to meet you one day, although I am sure you will still choose singledom! And I agree, the 3 date rule is utterly stupid. Guys who believe it should be relegated to being brothel regulars.
(named withheld, reprinted with permission)
And that is the nicest review I’ve ever received.
Ok, it might be the only review other than what my dear and wonderful friends and followers write on Facebook.
Promoting my website with a kind review is awesome. Yes, I can be bought.
I didn’t know him at all before this, but now I’d like to meet him.
And that, folks, is Lesson One in How To Ask A Gal Out.
Lesson Two is below… Don’t stop now! Continue reading He told 700 people, ‘I just spent the night with Kernut!’
By Kernut, on April 29th, 2011%
I’ve been trying to come up with something to write, but all I’ve got is a list of random stuff that makes for better titles than posts. I couldn’t even come up with ten of them for a Ten Things Tuesday post.
Huh. My life is in the shitter.
My mother just told me my great grandparents were invited to the Royal Wedding of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip.
Wow!
They didn’t go.
WTHuh??!
What did I learn from this? You dis the Royal family once, and your future generations will never ever be invited again.
I’m considering giving up dating, for good. The men I’m meeting have no follow-through. They act totally interested, but then seem to get cold feet. After attempting to schedule a second date, they fall off the face of the earth if I can’t meet the ONE time they suggested. It doesn’t matter if I’ve met them online, or through friends (the preferred way).
Case in point: Don’t stop now! Continue reading My Royal Wedding Invitation, Three Generations Too Early
By Kernut, on April 22nd, 2011%
After spending a couple hours getting to know each other, I was ready.
Really ready.
I’ve waited a long time for this moment.
Too long.
Taking my time, I slowly warmed her up. Pushing all the right buttons, her fine motor began purring beneath me. I wrapped my hands around her, slowly stroking her, discovering the feel of her, getting to know her better.
She had unexpected strength and power, but she gave over full control to me, completely trusting me. Not one to hold back, she gave me as much as I wanted, as much as I could take.
I wanted all of her, and I was ready to take her to the next level.
With her sweet motor purring beneath me, I Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Best Date I’ve Had Since I Joined Match.com
By Kernut, on April 12th, 2011%
 Smart women prefer cats. This is from the Pickles cartoon strip by Brian Crane. He's probably very smart. His work is at http://comics.com/pickles/ Well, it’s been an interesting (read: weird and dull) couple of weeks with my latest Match.com escapades. (This is post number gazillion in my Match.com misadventures.) I’ve noticed a similarity between almost all of the interested men on Match.com: They will make an attempt to schedule a date, including one specific date and time with their request. In the event that ONE date and time don’t work with my schedule I return an alternate date or set of dates.
Then *crickets*
They fall off the face of the Earth and I don’t hear from them again.
???
Here’s the latest update on my Match.com Misadventures…
Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Matches Couldn’t Start A Fire With Gasoline and A Lighter
By Kernut, on March 28th, 2011%
Maybe the matches will light a fire and flush out the good ones on Match.com.
 This is totally what it's like. (If this is your first time here, the Match.com Misadventures starts with this post.)
Since my prospects were dwindling on Match.com, I’ve taken to contacting men first. Some I just send a wink to, and others I email.
I’m only initiating contact because when I polled you all, you said it wasn’t going to negatively impact the potential relationship.
That, and I’m desperate to find good matches.
Here are the matches with whom I’m currently playing…
Zen Biker Guy – (He wrote to me first.) He’s 50, lives in the mountains, loves his dog, and has a dreaded Harley. This Harley is of the “Lone Wolf” variety. This means it’s set up for only one rider – him. He’s divorced, no kids, eats healthy, doesn’t drink, and is hugely into meditation – all pluses. I’ll overlook the Lone Wolf Harley for those pluses.
Our first date was a coffee date. He didn’t look like his pictures (older, heavier, dressed much worse), but close enough that I could still recognize him. He is a big talker; I could hardly get a word in edge-wise. He arrived for the date covered in dirt, after dirt-bike riding right before the date. Apparently he wasn’t concerned with putting on a clean shirt and pants. Or first impressions.
Don’t stop now! Continue reading Playing With Matches on Match.com
By Kernut, on March 9th, 2011%
<rant on> (That’s code for “the following is more rant than post”, thankyouverymuch. That’s also a disclaimer. I just need to get this out so I can move on with the dating. If you’re new here, I Joined Match.com. I blame the cold medicine is the first in this series, and continues with Adventures in Online Dating, then Match.com The Odds Are Good That the Goods Are Odd, and Time To Light A Match.com. We are now at post number five, a rant. The others are better.
You are under no obligation to read further, but your assistance with the question at the end is greatly appreciated.)
This is terrible.
Just terrible.
I’m becoming jaded. Jaded by the lack-luster, creepy, freaky, sex-starved oddballs who contact me on Match. Very few bother to read my profile. Very. few.
 Where people look. (Totally borrowed from a site that also borrowed it. Unfortunately, I don't know the origin.) How Not To Match.com
First off, just don’t join. When I started this it was to honestly find someone to date, and with whom to hopefully form a nice, long-term relationship. Now I’m fighting becoming jaded. And I’m not sure I’m succeeding.
While it takes a LOT of weeding through garbage to find the nice guys in the mix, it seems hardly worth it when you have to contend with the buggy, glitchy software, and the crappy Match.com interface.
- It automatically sends “winks” as if they’re from me! To people at whom I would not choose to wink.
- Match selects a “Daily 5″ and also emails another set of so-called matches, supposedly based on your preferences. Not. The only thing these “matches” have in common with my preferences was the fact they were male. Many are not even in my desired area. Don’t stop now! Continue reading How Not To Match.com
By Kernut, on March 1st, 2011%
It’s time to light a match – it’s starting to stink on Match.com.
This is part four (I think, but I’m starting to lose count) of my Match.com Adventures. Part three is Match.com: The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd.
Here are the latest two guys from Match.com:
Chatty Guy, is in high tech, has four kids, and likes to dominate the conversation. We had a first date, lunch at a local chain restaurant. There are no big pluses in his court, but he does have a few minuses: He bashed his ex on our two dates, he talks over me all. the. time., and he lied about his age (said 49, but is 52).
Normally, lying about age is grounds for immediate disqualification in my book, but I’ve since began to wonder if perhaps I’m still single at my ripe old age because I might be a tad too picky. With this in mind I polled my friends and readers on Facebook and here’s what they said:
 Lied About Age Guy part 1 Don’t stop now! Continue reading Time To Light A Match.com – UPDATED
By Kernut, on February 21st, 2011%
If this is your first time here, Welcome! And also I’m Sorry.
This is post number three in the saga of my online dating experience. You can start crying for me anytime. Read these to get caught up: First, I joined Match.com , and second, Adventures In Dating Part 1.
 No, you're not a stalker, you're just lonely and looking for an instant girlfriend. How do you all like my new Match.com slogan? “The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd”
And boy are they odd.
Biker Boy is a Jekyll and Hyde. He’s either all clingy with me, sending me tons of emails and calling me several times the same day, whining I’m dating others while we get to know each other, or completely selfish, controlling, and downright rude. After turning down his last minute request for dinner the morning of Valentine’s Day, he proceeded to email me several times and call me twice that evening. The evening I said I was going to be out.
As if this wasn’t enough, the next morning when I check email for the first time since the day before, I find several emails from him, and this one: ‘Wassup? You pissed? insulted? Done? Or none of the above? How are you today?’ All because I didn’t respond while I was out???
In my reply I asked if he’d forgotten I had plans (did he not remember I turned down his date that very morning??). I explained being out with a friend means I don’t answer the phone – unless it’s important. My mother taught me it’s impolite to your guest/present company. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Match.com: The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd
By Kernut, on February 14th, 2011%
My life has been nothing if not full of adventures.
The dating segment of my life accounts for much of that.
Remember that guy you all said I should go ahead and contact first? Most of you already know I did, and he wrote back. The funny thing is it turns out we have a few friends in common. He’s only lived in California six months so I just haven’t run into him yet. So I probably didn’t need to spend $60 on Match.com to meet him. *sigh*
He’s a year older, divorced, and he’s gainfully employed (whew, one of us should be). Of course, he has one of the aforementioned Harleys. A really nice one. I’ll admit, I have a fondness for Harleys. It’s hard not to notice a nice one, and to know a hot man wields all that power between his legs.
*time passes*
Oh, hello. What are you doing here? Right! I was talking about my dates.
Gees, I’m such a bike slut. I really do like other things about him and would be interested even if he didn’t have a bike. I’m not THAT superficial.
He at least took the time to read my profile. Not many others did… Don’t stop now! Continue reading Adventures In Online Dating Part One
By Kernut, on February 9th, 2011%
Yes, I did. I joined Match.com. Again. I’m not well. I blame the cold medicine that got me to join the Booty Camp to which I’m now addicted. Those two things are related. No, I don’t know how.
It’s been about seven years and I’d forgotten about this part: I’ve got more Match.com emails and winks than I can respond to. There are many sweet guys on there who’ve written me. It’s really nice. And about time I got some interested attention from an emotionally available man. At least I think they’re emotionally available.
I know it’s only because I’m the “fresh meat” on the market that I’m getting all this attention and it will level out soon, but Holy Horny Ones Batman! I feel such pressure to respond.
Thank you to those of you who suggested I email that guy who caught my eye. He’s already responded FOUR times to my one. I think he likes me. Or he’s desperate. Huh.
Some of you, ok ONE of you, expressed an interest in the details of my profile. (The rest of you are under no obligation to keep reading.) Here’s a snippet…
 I'm on cold medicine in this picture. (I couldn’t decide on an opening line, so I chose both. I’m like that with restaurant menus, too.) Don’t stop now! Continue reading I Joined Match.com. Again. I Blame The Cold Medicine.
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