Kernut the Blond » Dating Advice

How Not to Ask Me For a Date

Kernut — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 18:42:59 +0000

Mostly, I get wonderful, sweet and praising emails from you folks. I save them all.

Sometimes the BS I get in my inbox requires a special rant. This is one of those times.

Let's Play Carpenter... or not.

As the Match.com Dating Chronicles and Dating Exiled Royalty attest, my love life has been nothing if not interesting. Dating still seems to me one of the strangest activities. It’s like a prolonged interview, and you don’t really know if there’s even a job for you.

Needless to say, my experiences, especially those with Match.com, have left me leery of dating in general. Most especially of internet dating in particular.

While I do get asked out fairly regularly, it takes a special person and a special request to get a “yes” out of me. In the last two weeks I’ve received several requests over the internet for a date, or a general indication of interest. A couple are worthy of a “Yes”, but we’ll discuss those in the next post.

Would-be suitors take note: Included herein are the don’ts of asking for a date. There are ways to ask a lady out to get a “yes”, and ways to be assured you’re turned down. If you want a quick hookup, just go to the bar and don’t waste her (read: my) time.

Like this article recommends, calling someone over the phone is much better than asking for a date over the internet or, Heaven forbid, via text. If I don’t know you, emailing is appropriate . . . → Read More: How Not to Ask Me For a Date

Time To Light A Match.com – UPDATED

Kernut — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 17:46:43 +0000

It’s time to light a match – it’s starting to stink on Match.com.

This is part four (I think, but I’m starting to lose count) of my Match.com Adventures. Part three is Match.com: The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd.

Here are the latest two guys from Match.com:

Chatty Guy, is in high tech, has four kids, and likes to dominate the conversation. We had a first date, lunch at a local chain restaurant. There are no big pluses in his court, but he does have a few minuses: He bashed his ex on our two dates, he talks over me all. the. time., and he lied about his age (said 49, but is 52).

Normally, lying about age is grounds for immediate disqualification in my book, but I’ve since began to wonder if perhaps I’m still single at my ripe old age because I might be a tad too picky. With this in mind I polled my friends and readers on Facebook and here’s what they said:

Lied About Age Guy part 1

Lied About Age Guy part 2

Lied About Age Guy part 3

Chatty/Lied About His Age Guy and I have since had a second date, dinner. During it I realized I’m just not that interested anymore: The lying doesn’t help to give me the warm and fuzzy, and our conversations are boring. On each of our two dates he’s talked about his last ex – about whom he has nothing kind to say, . . . → Read More: Time To Light A Match.com – UPDATED

Relationship Rules: I’m The Special Needs Person In A Relationship

Kernut — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 17:20:09 +0000

That’s the rule. There is only room for one special needs person in a relationship. In case you haven’t been here long, I’m it.

Uhh, I sure hope my matches are better than this. Now I'm scared. What was I thinking? Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah, to find a pigeon. Crap.

For all the self-help books I’ve read, group quasi-therapy, and blogging, apparently it’s still me.

I’m considering joining Match.com again and thought I should probably add to my dating profile a statement that aptly describes me. I suspect I might have tendencies towards childishness, emotional sensitivity, or grandiose behavior.

Well, DUH. I blog, don’t I?

I think that alone proves I’m probably emotionally sensitive.

Or could blogging make one emotionally sensitive?

Chicken. Egg. Don’t much care which came first.

So then, what does all this mean? It means I’m the special needs person in a relationship.

Also, this precludes attendance by anyone fitting the following descriptions. Do not reply to my ad if you can be described as:

The emotionally unavailable: Serial daters, those looking for a quick hookup, men half my age. Enough said. Those trying to reclaim their misspent youth with a motorcycle. I do love a good Harley, but seriously? We’re not a match; I want to live. On second thought, Harleys are awfully hot. I might make an exception. Again. Crap. Sex addicts. Why are they so attracted to me? I seem to attract them like bees to honey. Do . . . → Read More: Relationship Rules: I’m The Special Needs Person In A Relationship

Ten Reasons Dating Sucks

Kernut — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 09:38:35 +0000

For Ten Things Tuesday, a Dating Rant…

Ten Reasons Dating Sucks

A.k.a. Ten Reasons Not to Divorce, which could lead to dating. Just like smoking, dating can be dangerous for your health.

If you’re single, you’ve probably experienced many of these yourself. I would love to hear your stories in the comments. Considering divorce? Well, here’s what life would be like once you were ready to date again…

1. People are weird. That’s it. Myself included. After a certain age, the shallow end of the gene pool is what’s left.

2. And unless you’re still young and innocent, you’ve probably become choosy, not unlike myself. When I was 20, I didn’t know what I liked or wanted in a significant other, but thought I did. Now I’m XX older, and know exactly what I like and want in a significant other. When they say ‘Ignorance is bliss’, they aren’t kidding. The hard part is knowing.

3. This could happen to you: I seem to attract either married/separated men or those with severe head injuries. I wish I was kidding. As an ex-P.I., I’ve learned to run background checks on potential partners. There are some scary-ass criminals on Match.com, and they always seemed to find my profile. I think it’s my superpower, which is also my kryptonite: My blond hair. It attracts all kinds.

4. Those listed in #3 also seem to be commitmentphobics, emotionally stunted, or walking hormones just looking for a lay (nothing wrong with that if it’s . . . → Read More: Ten Reasons Dating Sucks

I Brought Sand To The Beach

Kernut — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 20:02:27 +0000

My sister, Chickenbone, once told me 'Don't bring sand to the beach.' Me: ??? Chickenbone: If you're single, don't bring a date to a party. Me: (still) ??? Chickebone: ...where there are single men. Me (a minute later): Ohhhh. (the light bulb isn't always super bright, folks) . . . → Read More: I Brought Sand To The Beach

Social Media, Jobs, Spam, Sex and Dating – Maybe not in that order

Kernut — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 02:03:53 +0000

This is me. What, you thought I was human?

When I’m not here, you probably think I’m out having an awesome social life, on a date, or having sex.

Sadly, no. It’s been about a year since I had a boyfriend – and he was really lousy in bed. Come to think of it, so was the one before him.

But I have been discovered – by spammers.

When I’m not here blogging (and deleting spam), I’m over here writing about Social Media (and deleting spam), or here writing about sexy stuff.

That is, when I’m not at my new job!

Yes, it’s true folks – I am no longer a government-subsidized cube dweller. I have escaped the padded cell, a.k.a. the cubicle from hell.

(Believe it or not, I didn’t get fired for asking Guy Kawasaki if he had a single brother for me. Truth be told, by then I had already given notice so there would have been no point in firing me in my last week. Heh heh.)

So far the new job is good. I’m doing the marketing tasks I love (Facebook, Twitter, blogging, creating and implementing marketing strategy), and learning more as I go. (much rejoicing all around)

Other than that, there’s not much going on in my social life. Tonight for instance, I’m home watching the first season of HBO’s Hung on DVD and living vicariously. OMG! That’s good stuff and Thomas Jane has a lovely naked body.*fans face*

In case you’re . . . → Read More: Social Media, Jobs, Spam, Sex and Dating – Maybe not in that order

Dating Advice From The Unqualified

Kernut — Sun, 23 May 2010 16:59:04 +0000

Here are 5 Dating Tips... 1. Coffee dates are the kiss of death. . . . → Read More: Dating Advice From The Unqualified

Internet Dating FAIL, Part 2

Kernut — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 16:56:51 +0000

FINALLY, after a few rounds of “What’s your favorite fruit loop flavor?” eHarmony reveals the pictures to me. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, Part 2

Internet Dating FAIL, part 1

Kernut — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:21:46 +0000

Oh, it gets better. His face was orange. Yes, ORANGE. He'd used a low-quality tan-in-a-bottle to enhance his pasty skin tone. Unfortunately, BLENDING was not his strong point. Dear readers, he was a rookie at the fake-bake usage. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, part 1

I Got Roses Last Night

Kernut — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:35:12 +0000

I got flowers last night. A big bouquet of beautiful red roses. Ok, so they were from a complete stranger. But he's totally hot. . . . → Read More: I Got Roses Last Night

‘Why are you single?’

Kernut — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:05:07 +0000

Can you say "Photoshop"?

They ask, ‘Why are you single??’ or ‘Why haven’t you been married??’

But when they ask, with face half turned and narrowed eye, the tone says: “Is there something wrong with you that I can’t see??” (Uh, not trying to hide it. At all. Pay attention.)

Or it sounds like “How could you even WANT to be single? Isn’t it scary?” (Nope, kinda nice actually. I don’t have to check in with anyone before I go somewhere and my scissors are always where I left them. How about you? Do you know where your scissors are?)

I am asked this all the time. All. The. F’n. Time. The frequency with which I get asked that question never ceases to amaze me. Nor does the unending curiosity. Seriously, even I’m not that interested in my own status.

Speculating what makes certain people so curious, I’ve observed the following…

The “inquiring minds” run the gamut: single men who may (or may not) be interested in dating me and are perhaps leery (as they should be), my relatives, who just don’t get it, but most often it’s married couples.

It’s the married, and sometimes divorced, women who seem most concerned about my status. I suspect they are secretly pondering what “might have been” had they never walked down the aisle or had kids. (Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?)

The potential suitors and my relatives may have suspected I was gay, but by now I’m sure they, my relatives at least, realize that’s . . . → Read More: ‘Why are you single?’