About

Welcome to my wild and crazy world! I’m an adventurous, free-spirited, life-experiencing, cat-herding, slightly bonkers gal who wants to rule the world (ok, not really that ‘rule the world’ part – it’s a shout out to the best all-time sci-fi show: MST3K. Go Pearl!). Being single affords me the luxury of freedom to go places and do things I might not otherwise be able to do.

Yeah, yeah, I’m busy perpetuating all the stereotypes: single female living with a cat (the love of my life), never married and have no kids, blond, crazy and not-too-bright. My parents are very proud.

This means I’m a childless blogger – that being only stereotype I am not perpetuating.

My blog posts occasionally include sexual innuendo/content are a little on the trashy side. Be forewarned. Don’t judge. Hungry people obsess think about food.

I suspect I’m missing that filter in the frontal lobe that tells you when something is socially unacceptable. Again, the daughter of proud parents.

Are you new here? And still reading? See this page for some of my favorite posts: Lern Sumthin Nu

Totally in love with me already and can’t get enough? I blog about Social Media Marketing on Marketing Squirrel, and I blog about sex and sex toys on Graphic Details of Intimate Moments. I live for love your comments.

Now for the boring stuff…(stalkers should start at the bottom of this page)

If you’re not a stalker and really want to contact me, you can reach me any of the ways listed here.

Although born in New Jersey, having lived in California most of my life I consider myself a California Gal, albeit with a slightly sarcastic, East Coast sense of humor.

Do you ever just want to sell all your stuff and live a more simple life? It’s not like I have a lavish lifestyle. (You thought I was getting rich of this blog, huh? Nope. Buy some sex toys, will ya?) I’d love to live a more simple life and just travel, have adventures and write about it all the time. (Note to self: Play lottery more often.) I think about that (and moving to my beach house) often, particularly lately. Mid-life crisis? Perhaps, but I’m too young for that. YES I AM. Anyway, I dream of getting an awesome motor home and traveling the country, writing about it. No, wanting to drive around the country in a motor home does NOT make me old.

My life is can sometimes be full of fun and crazy adventures and I’ve often been told I should write a book about it. I don’t know if there is anything more than a few interesting chapters. It remains to be seen if anyone other than my friends and family will find it of interest. I think a blog is a good start. Lucky you! (<— some of the aforementioned sarcasm)

Living the true life “Adventures of Kernut the Blond” (see ‘The Adventures of Chickenbone and Kernut’ in “What is a kernut?” to see how it all began), I’ve driven around in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Hummer (the one from T2), been arrested (not for stealing the Hummer), dated exiled royalty, been rescued by Martin Sheen – yes, THAT Martin Sheen – from a person hired to terrify me, lead meditation groups, been a Private Investigator, driven a Bobcat earthmover, rescued wildlife (from baby birds to massive pelicans, squirrels to seals), lived in beautiful beach houses, lived in poverty, and much more yet to come

Some of the adventures I’ve had may seem unbelievable, but I assure you what I write here is true. Probably a bit crazy, very likely a bit sarcastic, and always true. This blog is not a work of fiction, it’s just the stories of my life. (TMZ – Feel free to contact me. I love Harvey!)

Originally, I started blogging in 2000 when I moved to Malibu to work for the rich and famous. I wanted to keep in touch with the friends and family I left up in northern California and had no intention of anyone else seeing it. Malibu, while generally a boring town in which to live – especially if you’re single, turned out to be great fodder for blogging. Although I kept my boss’s name and (many, very weird) idiosyncrasies out of the blog, his handlers asked that I take it down immediately. I did. I wish I hadn’t. I will be reposting a few of the more interesting Malibu blog posts here.

Oh, and be sure to keep an eye out for typos – they should be easy to find, I make a lot of them. I look forward to your spelling and grammar-correcting emails. (Not really.)

Cheers,

Juliana, aka Kernut the Blond

P.S. A word to any would-be stalkers: Sure, I look sweet in my Photoshopped (read: you-would-not-recognize-me-on-the-street) photos, but trust me when I tell you I’m a bitch with brass nuggets. I have friends in low places who would do anything for me. My father taught me to shoot when I was eleven. Therefore, I’m a damn good shot at my ripe old age. I own guns (yes, plural – it’s not a typo). I’m frequently bitter, and PMSing 3 days out of every month. Know you will not succeed where others have failed so don’t even bother.

Ok, so have a nice day!