On The 4th of July I Went To Jail, The Pokey, The Slammer

It’s true my dear Kernutties – I Went To Jail 4th of July Weekend.

The pokey, the joint,  the big house, the slammer.

The Greybar Hotel.

The Rock (no, not the hot one named Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson).

I was a guest of the state.

Alas, this time I did not commit any crimes (none they know about, anyway).

Fortunately for me (and you) I was allowed to leave. Albeit, after a short tour.

I went on a tour of Alcatraz State Prison for the 4th of July.

You know how I want my blog to be educational for y’all? Well, in the likely unlikely event you find yourself incarcerated, I wanted to share a little prison slang with you…

“Booty Bandits” or “Daddies” – Incarcerated sexual predators who prey on weaker inmates, called “punks.”

“Click up” – Gang term referring to getting along well with a homeboy, not looking for trouble.

“Killing your number” – Prison slang for serving one’s time or getting out on parole.

“Lugger” – Referring to an inmate who smuggles in and possesses contraband and illicit substances.

“Ride with” – Perform favors for a fellow convict, including sexual, in exchange for protection or commissary goods.

“Tits-up” – An inmate who has died.

(Prison Slang courtesy of insideprison.com )

So if you all find yourself in the big house keep your head down and kill your number. Find someone to ride with, or you just might find yourself up against a booty bandit. And click up with your local lugger.

Now, where are my handcuffs? No, not the fuzzy ones… the ones from my time as a Private Investigator and a Bail Agent. (True story.) Yes, I spied.