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The Time I Learned Golf Carts Don’t Float

The Four Seasons Golf Resort - probably not the one we were at.

Golf Carts Don’t Float, But Golf Tees Do – Who Knew?!

For a little while after my parents got divorced my father stayed in the general Santa Barbara, CA area. My sister, Chickenbone, and I would spend weekends and long summers with him where we would learn all kinds of grown-up things (much against my mother’s wishes) like playing poker, driving before we were even in our teens, and eating junk food all day long.

My father raised us very differently than my mother: My mother was a fairly strict and conservative parent who raised us on health food, while my father pretty much let us do absolutely anything we wanted. (See My First Brush With The Law for an example.)

And he would often help us cover up the crime.

We were too young to be legally left alone (not because we couldn’t take care of ourselves, but more likely we’d have burnt down the house).  But my father liked playing golf, so he had to bring us along.

Just imagine two independent, but restrained-9-months-out-of-the year-then-suddenly-unleashed kids running amok on the golf course. Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Time I Learned Golf Carts Don’t Float

My First Brush With The Law

It was a match made in heaven: Three gals, three guys, a wee party, and an illegal bonfire. . . . → Read More: My First Brush With The Law

Life In Malibu - Celebrity Encounters

#63 from the deck... this was my favorite spot to sit, and where I was when Rob Reiner tried to talk to me.
Malibu Colony #63 from the deck... this was my favorite spot to sit, and where I was when Rob Reiner tried to talk to me. I'm so lame. Sorry Rob. Love your movies!

Malibu Colony #63 from the deck... this was my favorite spot to sit, and where I was when Rob Reiner tried to talk to me. I'm so lame. Sorry Rob. Love your movies!

Several years ago I transferred to Malibu to work as Marc Andreessen’s Estate Manager, overseeing care of the property in the Malibu Colony and managing the staff. It was a great job, for the most part.

Malibu was pretty, and pretty boring for a single gal. Not much to do so I stirred up some trouble. (You can read a bit about Malibu and one of my more interesting exploits here.) I’ll write about some of the crazier stuff later, like when my parents get tired of reading their kid’s new blog (or just give up on my ever achieving greatness, or providing grandchildren. Ya, like a starving dog with a fat bone…).

So instead, I’m going to gossip about celebrities I saw when I was lived in ‘Bu (“Bu” as the locals call it – ’cause they’re special). It’s a random list of my encounters so don’t get too excited. (The stuff I could sell to tabloids for cubic dollars I’m saving for later.)

Breakfast with Spielberg. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Life In Malibu – Celebrity Encounters

Internet Dating FAIL, Part 2

FINALLY, after a few rounds of “What’s your favorite fruit loop flavor?” eHarmony reveals the pictures to me. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, Part 2

We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Post To Bring You: Lucky WTF? Charms

Lucky WTF? Charms

To help brighten up the sterilized sea of cubicles where I work, each holiday we decorate a pass-through/hallway. It helps give the place a little color, and is a good excuse not to be at our desks for 15 minutes. We also include a plate of cookies or bowl of candy related to the holiday.

For St. Patty’s we did the usual: green clovers, pictures of green beer and leprechauns. My cube mate (the quiet male) cut up shapes of Lucky Charms cereal out of colored paper: pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, blue diamonds, and purple horse shoes. Very creative.

I thought we needed a real box of Lucky Charms cereal to complete the decorations. Mind you, it had been years since I last saw the contents of Lucky Charms.

Besides oddly-shaped (not as described above) “marshmallows”, here’s what was in the box: Don’t stop now! Continue reading We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Post To Bring You: Lucky WTF? Charms

Internet Dating FAIL, part 1

Oh, it gets better. His face was orange. Yes, ORANGE. He’d used a low-quality tan-in-a-bottle to enhance his pasty skin tone. Unfortunately, BLENDING was not his strong point. Dear readers, he was a rookie at the fake-bake usage. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, part 1

Funny Shit Someone Else Wrote…

So, what does any self-respecting procrastinator do at a time like this? Find great shit to read on the internet. Lucky for you, I’ve decided to share my findings. These had me laughing so hard they brought tears to my eyes… . . . → Read More: Funny Shit Someone Else Wrote…

I’m a State-subsidized Cube-dweller

The 6’ tall gray cubicle walls are lightly padded for my protection, not unlike the padded cells of a funny-farm. I suspect they are grooming me for transfer to the psych ward. . . . → Read More: I’m a State-subsidized Cube-dweller

Buddy, The Fearless Chihuahua and Protector of Meditators

Buddy, The Fearless Chihuahua

Buddy, the meditation retreat mascot, was our ever-present companion, cuddler, and protector.

When he wasn’t snuggling in one of our laps, he enlisted great effort in protecting us from the crows flying over the canyon. Buddy, who looks larger in this picture than he is in real life, is considerably smaller than the crows he was chasing.

When a very large, and very lost, German Sheppard/Husky/Wolf mutt somehow made its way into the fenced yard, little Buddy charged it with a ferocity disproportionate to his small size. I was worried Buddy was a goner, and about to become wolf-mutt’s lunch. Not so. It was hilarious to see this small dog chase the large, timid intruder around, tail between his large legs, until we could open a gate for him to get out.

Go Buddy!

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Meditation in the Los Gatos Mountains

“Hi, my name is Kernut, and I am a Meditator.” . . . → Read More: Meditation in the Los Gatos Mountains